“ It is ok to suck at somethings.” I was whining to my coach the other day about how sometimes the beginning of my swims do not feel great for the first few laps. Her response as just this.
I thought about this later in deep contemplation and came to the same conclusion. So often we attempt various activities in any walk of life be they in exercise, an adventure, a new financial venture, social interactions or even parenting. The experience does not go our way and we feel defeated and deflated and may exclaim “ Oh I suck at that”. At which point it is our normal human tendency to give up.
Here is another perspective. It is perfectly fine to not be perfect ! In our modern day of social media we have the luxury to view the perfect moments of anyone at an instant at the tip of our fingers. Usually people do not post their worst moments and so only the best versions of ourselves are out there for everyone to see.. the perfect dining experience, the perfect friendships, the perfect personal best in exercise, the perfect family etc. But those are only instantaneous moments in time and not the whole picture. And so we live our lives in comparison based on a polarity that we may hear or see.
Therein lies the problem. When we try it out for ourselves and we do not meet the expectation that is now ingrained in our heads, we blame ourselves and think “ we suck” and that we are the problem. I have been the victim of this mindset innumerable times whether it has been in academia, athletics ( especially more recently), work life, home life etc. It is in comparison when the words “ I am not good enough” start to creep in.
We dare not give ourselves permission to suck. Yet it is when we falter, or perceive to fail, it is when we are actually learning to adapt, become more resilient, evolve and grow. Life is about trial and error. If it does not work out the first time, then try it another way and see what happens. It is not about finding the thousand ways of failing but in discovering the one way of succeeding. Imagine if the universe just gave up after its first attempt in making it self. That would not have boded well for us.
So it is ok to suck. I am going to let this settle in. I am going to probably suck at many things in life. But each time I dare to endeavor to become better with the next attempt, Whether it is in exercise, a relationship, writing, trying to meditate, attempting to discipline myself, or creating any new experience. For anything I do is my unique experience and not to be compared to any one else’s. Besides my perception that “ I suck at ….” is just that, a judgement based on comparison. Biologically we are trained to this, yet not letting it destroy me is also a choice.
Hope you all suck at many things, for it only makes you stronger, more talented, more evolved in the long run.
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I love you
Ps I love my new biking jersey with ryh logo (run your health) amazing group of people who volunteer their time to help others get healthier through activity and movement
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