The other day at my son’s swim competition during the finals there was an acute shortage of timing judges. Many parents scrambled to do the job as many had already been experienced in performing the role. I was asked as well. At first I was petrified. You want me to do what?
It was seemingly easy. Just watch the flashing start light and click the start on the stop watch, then as the athlete punches the underwater mat against the pool wall as they end their race, hit the stop button. Simple.
Well it was anything but simple in head. I thought of all the possibilities in which I could screw it up. Right from not starting correctly, to not ending correctly, or missing the event entirely. My watch indicated my heart rate was 136 bpm !! What the heck. I am as calm as a cucumber putting in a pacemaker in a persons chest, or dealing with a cardiac arrest, but this little task had got me all in knots.
This is yet another example of the countless times a day we get ourselves in a tizzy when we have falsely created expectations and let them run amok in our minds. Sure there is a very real expectation that I must not mess up as the kids swimming futures are at stake. But when I got grounded and realized that I do not really hold that future in my hands, it was a perception. I didn’t want to feel responsible.
Once I let go of these preambling thoughts, I relaxed and focussed on the task at hand. I got to be a timing judge for Gods sake. I had never done that before, so obviously I was apprehensive at something new, but I had timed myself infinite times in my own triathlon training drills on my watch. No different. I calmed down as was evident by my more manageable heart rate.
Fantastic experience to say the least to have an amazing vantage point to see these swimmers in action. And to also learn technique and form from these young swimmers who were really fast by employing great form. I could note mistakes as I had been corrected on my own many a time. I could see the varied skill levels and the awe of the sheer power for shorter speed events. I felt the nervousness and the anxiety of the athletes prior to jumping into the water for their event as I feel before any of my races. The human feelings of fear, anxiety, doubt all cumulatively come to the surface just before doing something hard.
Like going into the battle the fear will help propel us forward and be converted into bravery and courage as the race begins. It is normal. It is what makes us human. It is what makes our darker nature to be transmuted through the act of a nobler cause, as the mind is silenced and the body takes over “to get the job done”. Wonderful to see fear transformed, yet fear also occurs when we are holding on the expectation of performance as we judge ourselves as less than the expectations of a coach or family watching.
It is wise to use the fear to train harder and smarter, or to get sharper in our endeavors but when the time comes, balance out all that anxiety, anger, resentments, and doubts and front a center point of balance leap in with trust, faith, surrender and just have fun.
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I love you
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