It has been a rough few days. Wifey had to get surgery at end of last week. Thankfully, She will be ok, now the long road of healing of her shoulder begins. But I learned a lot about the human body in this process. Not hers but mine and I know that is funny, being a cardiologist, but here it is.


I am usually someone who handles stress quite well. The world has taught me to suck it up and bear it. Whether it was in enduring medical school and the grueling training years or during long hours of Ironman training or living through the first Gulf war as a kid or whatever the situation that life threw at me, I have adapted to the stress. Minimal sleep for decades and learning coping mechanisms of exercise and meditation all were part of this human experience.


But when the stress builds, it builds silently and quickly in the mind but buries itself in the body slowly. I kept distracting myself with “chores” that had to be done around the house, believing that I had to keep things in control and running smoothly with the family, yet being up all night with helping her as she struggled to get comfortable in a recliner to sleep or with the kids or inheriting all her chores seem to have all deposited stress bullets against the fraying nervous system.


The body started to show signs of that stress as now various parts become stiff and taut with worry, fear and sadness. I hid it well prior and during surgery but the irritability and short temper towards others began to show. I am aware enough to realize these behaviors, and see them playing out in the mind body connection, and be able to fix them and relieve the pressures that the mind creates and the impact on my different physicalities.


At times in the hurry of bracing for the tsunami of stressful situations we do not think, we just do. The unconscious records every impulse and instinct and logs them. If they are not dealt with then the overflow of our psychology informs the physiology of the body to handle it. It is certainly acceptable to accept our vulnerability and ask for help. It is permissible to feel through our emotions rather than lock them away. In the solitude of pockets of quiet I have been working through them and releasing them from my mind and body.


What does my wifey’s unexpected surgery reveal about myself? Where do I see her vulnerabilities as my own? Was I the cause of it? How can I prevent it from happening to me? Moreover how does the impact of all this being presented as a learning opportunity for me and allow me to grow? Can I appreciate the mountain of work that she does on a daily basis that I incorporate into my already day from now on? What burdens did she “shoulder” that I am reflecting now in my life? So many deeper level questions that are inviting the unlocking of answers.


Patience to find the answers is the key step. I trust that my body will guide me in this path as I navigate the mind’s abilities to create stressful responses and become more aware of the bubbles of fear, doubt, judgements, apprehensions that percolated during this experience and release them all with love.




I love you

Author: Brown Knight

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