Christmas is almost here

The temptations of the season are abound with the busyness of preparation for the holidays. Whether it is family coming over and setting the perfect table, or making the choicest of delicious meals, or the most amount of intoxicating desserts. The pressure is on. I am tempted by the enticing items in the beautifully decorated windows of the stores or these days by the innumerable scrolling advertisements on social media or online.

Kept hostage by the desire to fill up my mantle piece stockings or magnify the boxed gifts under the elaborately decorated tree, I spend spend spend. I consume money, time, effort at an alarming rate to fill the unending pit in my life. The pit that makes me feel that i am incomplete. So I fill it with food and presents to make me feel whole.

Consumption and consumerism.

Ungoverned emotions led me to be governed from the outside.

Exhausted, tired, out of money from buying endless items that have little long term worth, the plates of food empty with belly’s bursting at the seams I lie at the end of the day, feeling full. Yet how long does this last? Why did I fill myself so quickly? Then comes the guilt of spending too much and eating too much. This habit pattern has long been in my nervous system for my entire life . Why did I do this to myself?

Perhaps it was in an effort to feel loved, to be witnessed, to be heard, to be appreciated. I chose not to listen to the voice within and love myself for who I am, rather listen to the outside distracting voices telling me what I am and what I need. And so the cycle year after year continued.

This season is not about making money for the those that distract us with their tales and false promises to make me feel great or whole by dangling the hopes of dopamine rewarding trinkets of sugar, spice and products. Only I can do that for myself, by discovering the love within myself. By witnessing myself, by hearing myself, by appreciating myself, I open my heart to love.

Then one day something amazing happens…. I find that I was never empty to begin with. It was my mind full of fear and judgments born from other peoples minds, that told me I was incomplete. And from a lifetime of being told I was not enough, I did not have enough, I could not be enough. I subordinated to this story of experiences.

And so it is time to change the narrative. I am whole, I am complete, I am enough, i have enough. Time to live life inspired. Time to do what I was born to do. Live a life of purpose not of expectation.


I love you

Author: Brown Knight

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