Home 2020 April 01 Vulnerable story

Vulnerable story


Vulnerable story.

This whole covid19 situation has been a reality mixed in with the film scenes of a dream. A nightmare more likely.

I have not been triggered as much by the situation, why? Because I focus on seeing the balance and seeing things AS THEY ARE and not what I am wishing them to be. Yet I cannot help to have glimpses of insecurities pop up in my consciousness from time to time.

So I meditated upon each fear very carefully and held space for them to be fully present into my awareness. What were these fears?

The feelings of helplessness, not knowing what is going to happen next? , whats going to happen about money? is the economy fully collapsed with the Fed being disintegrated ? will there be any food ? how can we escape? The feeling of isolation and desolation are all too evident.

Yet I had thought I had already cleared up these questions earlier on during this invisible attack. Thats when it hit me. ATTACK. This was bringing me back to my never completed processed emotions as a 15 year old boy in Kuwait having to deal with my first every VISIBLE ATTACK when the Iraqis invaded Kuwait ( Gulf war I).

Then too, we had scarcity of food, the feeling of helplessness of when and how are we going to escape? , when are the VISIBLE invaders going to ATTACK us? By then the economy was in shambles and money was as good as toilet paper. . The scare of having to leave the safety of the home in case things worsened were all too real in the Gulf war.

The same emotions came up except at that time I was dependent on my parents to help me, and here and now I am the one in the role to protect my family. It was not so much having to neutralize those prior feelings and emotions as I could clearly see the benefits of how my life turned out.

No regrets.

Yet it was holding these shadows of my past with the softness of my heart and keeping myself accountable to my experience, that helped make the difference. Fears are imagined emotions and guilt is based on memories of the past, yet I felt no guilt of the past only a fear based on my past experiences.

A lot is being triggered and whisked up in our psyche that bears witness to the past. It requires us to FEEL into these emotions and not dismiss them as yesterdays trash. It requires courage to be able to sit with these emotions and experiences and create space for healing.

Where else will these emotions of the past land if ignored.

What if they simply are to be felt and loved with the gentleness of heart born through awareness?

It is not a time to ignore what is coming up, but FEEL into it, hold it and let it go with love.
I love you

Author: Brown Knight

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