For decades have I created ever stronger shields that have encircled me from harm. Bigger, wider and stronger. Warm and snug I am ever further immersed into their protection. Shields created over time of constant falling apart and then putting back together. Every hurt, every pain, every wound triggered through life’s experiences manifested by psychic bandages to keep me safe. Me? My heart. It is the vulnerability that we shy away from with every subsequent encounter with the same trigger. That same confrontation of that person, the same meeting of the experience, the same anger, the same hate, the same prejudices to a heart that understands only one language. The literacy of love. And so the fear of vulnerability hardens the once soft core into a shell of lies, deceit and untruths told to ourselves by our ego driven mind, till one day the eyes that look back at you in the mirror beckon your awakening.
Falling apart and putting ourselves together is natural. Yet unnatural when in a state of our origin. The state of love. In the aliveness of the womb we are not satiated with such stimuli that will forge us into invincible beings. The innocence of “us” is what we search for in every encounter out of the womb. Its preservation is paramount. If unsuccessful we “fall apart” when the love of our world disappoints, or the hope of the reality we expect falters or the ideal we hold dear dissolve from under us. We then “put ourselves back together” with psychic glue, emotional duct tape and verbal staples. But for how long? Days, weeks, months. Inconsequential quotients of time till the next trigger. Shields form, layer after layer, and hence decades role by and I find myself hardened to indifference, injustice, and blatant prejudice.
However it is in this same vulnerability I have the chance to heal. Resolve the experience as it manifests. Learn from it. Allow the light of my heart to shine out and radiate and not be trapped in a box of fear. The tenderness of the heart to truly feel and embrace the experience in its entirety without the sheltering.Then something amazing happens. I grow. I learn to adapt and become stronger out of the experience and not shy away from any similarity of repeat stimuli. The rawness of the wound finally heals completely.
This is emotional conscious evolution. This is why I am here. To experience, to learn, to now know.
It is in the aliveness of the fragility of the human heart that I acknowledge a fundamental element.
It is a torch light of hope that burns carefully in some, and carelessly in others.
It is a beacon of our star lit heritage as we walk into an uncertain mortal future.
Falling apart is falling from Grace. Yet falling can transform into flying. Only with love.
Do you dare to believe in your own vulnerability? I do.